I always say these friends who claim they crush on you,will make us do things we have never imagined we  would do.Like i always tell you My friendships have been like a roller coaster!what is really a roller coaster ? You know some of these things we just pick from movies and start using as if we are entitled. 

Reminds me of the time my crush  dropped me at the airport where he was also going to Abu  Dhabi the capital of Dubai for a company assignment In the car was my twinnie. On boarding my flight,he later texted me a few hours later asking how I was fairing, I texted back, “EVERYTHING HERE IS WICKED “.A common slang’ we use back in the Uk amongst my siblings and teenage cousins to mean everything is awesome. 

The next thing i remember was receiving a call from an unknown number asking if i was safe on board. I kept answering the calls and saying.”Sorry wrong number”but the caller  kept asking me to stay on the line,stop panicking, breath in and out in order for me to be safe.I was about to hang up when he reffered to me using my name and asked where exactly i was sitted.Blankly i said ,”Niko kwa bedroom ya upstairs” ,thinking it was a mutual friend who had arrived at my place uninvited and was looking for me to catch up.I have no idea how they notice am around yet my place is a Karura of its own .The caller asked me  to rush out screaming JESUS !JESUS! In order to alert the rest .

You should have seen me bursting into laughter on board …hahaha!huhuuu …and having an infectious laughter everyone in the plane joined in the laughter looking at me ,probably thinking i was watching an online comic show .All because i used the word “wicked” in an innocent text to my crush who misunderstood it for God knows what!And  even called the help line number of the crew claiming that something bad had happened to me in the plane .

In short ,all i am trying is to warn you that the word ‘roller coaster’used above  has nothing to do with  that scary  thing we see in parks  in movies;are we together?

Now let’s go back  to our original story.I was telling you about these male friends who claim to have  crush on us will one day make us do things we’ve never imagined ourselves doing just to please them.You see when this newbie neighbour who happens to be my crush.A black American and drives a pearl  white porsche with UN number plate made me start watering flowers every morning just  because he said he fell in love with the plants on my backyard .This happened the other day when he came to inquire about the grocery store that was around which i saw as an opportunity to make him comfortable in Kenya .We got used to each other and at times we would watch movies and prepare snacks together on weekends which  never disappointed .

One fine Friday ,this man took me out for dinner at a high end restaurant in town which had unique names in the menu such that if you were as green as i was to this American dishes,you could end up ordering marabou stork feathers thinking you had asked for fried tilapia fillet,being Luo.I ordered something familiar hoping it was fries;actually i did not even try to pronounce it,all i did was point at it ,on the menu smiling sheepishly saying”Nataka hii na double expresso” .Thinking double expresso meant something so yummy but in a two way portion thus the word ‘double’.

Expresso to me sounded like one of the sweetest cocktails on planet earth,with some lemon garnish on the side.Shock on me when my order arrived 10 minutes later!I cursed whichever evil spirit had led me to order Habanero’ Hell fire .I took the drink and felt like my body had indeed been immersed in hell fire as the name suggested!My crush looked at me,i looked back at him forcing a smile still with the drink on my hand and we even had a toss.

Tears welling up my eyes,probably he thought i got so emotional over his’special treatment’which to me was ironical.The only drinkable thing on our table was the double expresso i had ordered for which  i quickly grabbed and sipped to drain the Habanero down my throat.My people,whoever said lightening doesn’t strike twice at the same place has never experienced Habanero hellfire in their mouth followed by double expresso!​

I looked up and asked God where exactly i had gone wrong in accepting to go for dinner with the man.Why on earth was i experiencing serious cold war in my mouth?I wanted to grab him by them*balls and slap his damn cute face at the same time walk out of him.But composed,i swallowed everything brought on the table since he had paid for the meals,i didn’t want to awake the ‘monster’in me to make the evening perfect.

Allah,please deliver me from such men.AMIN!!


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