BY :JOSAYA WASONGA
Sometimes i wonder. What you are up to? Are you a church elder now? An opinion leader? Are you in a mental asylum? Are you a respected member of society?
Tell you what, sicko, when i was a young adult, your indecent assault on my mind, body and soul made me silent my sexuality. Rape was my debut sexual experience and,at times, it messed up a little. I thought the rape was an ‘induction ‘ of sorts and it was, an unscriptural at it sounds, a ‘sign’ from God.
Seconds after you raped me, if i had been asked, I would not pick your face from a police line up. You accosted me on a semi-lit road, then raped me in a dark alley, and i was this shy eleven -year-old kid who could not identify you from cain.
Tell me did you sleep that night after you raped me? And did i sleep that night? Do you really want would now? I am still turning and tossing, and screaming in my sleep, and letting our ear-shattering primal screams, because it was the lomgest sleepless night. Ever.
Hell, i would love to see your face now. I would love to put, not only a face, but also a name to the jerk who violently robbed me off my innocence.
All these years, i have lived with the weight -both literal and physical -but not your face.
Do you have kids? Do you fear for them? Do they even know what type of a father you are? And how would you feel if your little son told you that they were raped? I do not wish what you did to me on your son(child ),or anyone’s baby. But still. How do you feel? The way you feel does not, and will not come close to even how i feel.
You know what else you did to me? Made me paranoid. That’s what you did. I am overprotective of my ten -year -old daughter. I cover her with protective prayers daily. I asked God that no rape weapon fashioned against her shall prosper.
Because i lived with the hurtful secret for so long, the evil you meted on me turned me into a man who clams up. I did not know if my father would believe me.
It was my word against a nameless faceless stranger. So, on that night, when i ran home, and entered the shower and washed away the scum off me, i thought i would wash off every single thought of that evil.
But I was wrong. I am grown up now, but i have not healed. I do not think that I will ever heal. People heal from repeated bouts of flu; not from rape.
But, here is one thing that you didn’t turn me into; a rapist. It’s not true that hurt people hurt people. That’s a lie from the devil .
The senseless violence that you meter on me a more sensitive being. And, in my walk of faith, I have had revelation that, if God allowed this rape to happen, He will orchestrate to that, ultimately, all things will work together for good of divine purpose.