WHAT HAPPENED to dressing elegantly to weddings?…. 

I have been to a number of weddings since i keep on getting invitations from friends, friends of friend’s, relatives,cousin’s and oh yeah recently my elder sisters wedding which makes my list endless.Am not a fun though, since my schedule is quite weird but then i don’t mind this invitations at all. I mean, who doesn’t like ‘wedding habaneros’after long week days of attending shoots and editing people’s work at the news desk.Being a journalist also gives me a keen eye on issues one could never notice or even think of. Back to my story anyway… I have noticed a disturbing trend, amongst young women at weddings. 

Firstly, a wedding, whether conducted in an open air market like Muthurwa or conducted inside the precincts of a major and imposing Cathedral, remains a very solemn affair.This is one event your girlfriend wants your absolute support so that it goes on smoothly.I see girls dressed skimply at weddings nowadays, he he..not that i put on buibui and a serious hijab round my head to match my outfit .Not really, ain’t a Muslim either….and ain’t condemning their dresscode. Not at all actually i admire its decency. 

I just shake my head in disbelief. If ever there was a need to have a perfect day, many a bride will confess that it would rather be their wedding day. Therefore, the young women who turn up at weddings to witness that indeed one less competition is gone should have the decency to dress properly. You don’t go to a meeting where the Almighty is supposed to keep close tabs at you and you are as haggard as they get!

Going to a wedding has got much more than just showing up at the wedding venue to be counted .You must plan and come out looking elegant and blissful. But unfortunately a majority of young girls do not invest in time and thought when it comes to selecting wedding attire. ​


SCANTY DRESSING; They just throw on any garment that they find as soon as they thrust their hand into the wardrobe. As a result many girls  in weddings show up looking like yesterday’s food leftovers. Secondly, this is a social occasion where people from all walks of life. If you cannot respect the clergy with your scantily assembled outfits in the name of high fashion to a wedding, at least have decency to the rural folks who rise up in the ungodly hour just to make it to the big center in time to witness their girl getting hitched or their son bringing home a woman. 

The rural folks besides being deeply religious have their non-negotiable social ethos.But when they come to weddings to major towns only to have their eyes and their calmness assorted by reckless and shameful outfits in the name of’SWAG’,it is descpicable.Granted ,it’s okay to consider that you are still single-and you are ready to mingle with some hot groomsmen-but this should NEVER be an excuse for you to feel tempted and throw on your daring mini-dress.

The elders at the wedding Will keep on wondering if you forgot your clothes at home assuming what you have was supposed to be part of the undergarment. 

Remember lots of pictures and video will be taken to make this occasion memorable .So you don’t want your pals to watch the wedding video ,seething with anger for turning up looking like you  came straight from a *strip club or worse off borrowed attire from a hardworking nocturnal worker.

If your girls had the so called’brain tissue’they would figure out that this one social event that you can use to brand your damn self as the next candidate to walk down the aisle could as well turn out being’thitimaah’and you could end up kucheza nikaa umepigwa radiii!!!

In addition,who wants the newly acquired in-laws to start assuming that in another wedding on another day,that would be their bride dressed like a mannequin zile pale MR.PRICE Tom Mboya street .

Advertisements

How I found a school/work life balance over the holidays ….🎉🎈🎆🎤🎧

When i look at my calendar for the , next two months the one thought I have on my mind is’how am I going to schedule all the events, travel, school work, events, get-togethers and my family and what’s left for the Year…. 

This overwhelm, unchecked, builds into monumental proportions until I feel as if I am spiralling out of control. And we are not even halfway into the festive season. So instead of looking forward to some down, reconnecting with family and friends and enjoying upcoming travel, we start to dread our full-to-do lists. And then in January, we resume our lives with wistfulness and longing for ‘just two more days’to wish away the fatigue. So this year, I am choosing one ed and tested techniques to see me through the holiday season not only in survive but well rested and adjusted. 

Don’t overschedule.

We have a tendency to say yes to everything during the holiday season,ending up overbooked and frazzled.Unless you need to accomodate someone with whom you are only in the same physical space with once a year,during the holidays,why not plan for next year ?Trying to commit to five events every single weekend is not only bad for your SANITY, but also prevents you from truly enjoying either of them because you are already thinking about the next place you have to get to.Balance is key and is worth fighting for, you will thank your calendar when the festive season is over and you are well rested as opposed to being out of control. 


SWAP FAVORS:one thing i discovered the other day was that i had quite a number of’genuine folks’whom we went out and had fun together.But one thing i noticed was that we would spend so much purchasing what we already had,to curb on this i decided to be preparing pilau and fresh juice from my place and carry it on our picnic bag at once.Instead of going to high end restaurants offering the same services at a costly price .By doing this i realized we had saved a huge amount of money that helped purchase a camon camera instead which we use to take nice pictures on every trip we make instead of hiring a ‘photographer’.This has really saved us from the selfie-stick  menace and has made each one want to enrol for photography classes.

TLC:If you have a workout regime or healthy lifestyle,do not neglect it just because you now have a socially packed calender.Continue with the same routine of taking good care of yourself as you did before the holiday.

Tips1:-As much as you can avoid it,do not overschedule your social calender.

2:-Continue to take care of yourself as you used to before the holiday season.

FaCEBooK posts won’t make you a WRITER!!! 

Social media has helped develop literature as many writers glean writing ideas from different sources and learn from established authors whose work is sometimes displayed and discussed in these places. 

Conversely, social media is also quickly breeding a group I would refer as phonies, who totally believe they are writers of note even though they have little or nothing to show. This group has choice words for anyone who thinks they are not writers. Such acts are nothing but delusion and any young writer who desires to grow and mark a mark is better off deploying a different strategy. 

Likes on Facebook do not qualify one as an amazing writer or scholar. The simple reason for this is that most people who end up on your Facebook page are your friends. They will most likely be biased and won’t want to annoy you by bashing your work (post). 

Have you ever realised that even the silliest of posts attract likes? Even those by possible paedophiles or obvious falsehoods like Michelle Obama being a man? 

Reliance on Facebook likes as an indicator of how well you are doing is an exercise in futility that won’t add ANY value to your writing. Further, Facebook is more of a public space than it is private. Tagging friends in your posts exposes your work to more people who will commend or dismiss your work. 

I have noticed that many of the so-called Facebook writers who post their work on Facebook have no patience with anyone who faults their writing, which often has to do with the simplest of spelling errors.My take is that if you make a bed, you must sleep on it. Instead of working hard to attract undesirable reaction, a young writer will be better off getting advice from a professional. 

This group of phonies also quickly dismisses and insults other writers, book and newspaper editors. I am a young writer but when I post anything online, iam just a writer and my friends or rather Aquitances decide on whether to read, neglect or even get into my inbox an insult me. I call it life… Either way, i don’t throw tantrums. 

Endorsement from a literature professor or a renowned writer may give you a chance but won’t change people’s opinions especially if it is mediocrity that you are peddling. You can never call a spade a big spoon. Many would-be writers are turning to social media to seek RECOGNITION. They boast about what they have written,and how soon they will be unleashing more’juicy’content. Well, writing and getting known is a slow proces. 

Besides, writers are known for the qquality of their work. People read, critique and rate them, placing at a certain level on the writing scale. I once watched a  ‘writer’ who had self published his work tell the whole world on national television how wonderful his novel was but up to now, i haven’t seen it on the bookshelves or in the hands of a reader. I doubt it was even reviewed. Look, it is your work and not your mouth, that will accord you fame and possibly fortune. 

Clearly, social media has led the creation of virtual groups, some which seem to be made up of activists. However, editors and publishers don’t work with lobbyists; they work with individual writers. They develop their work and also expose them to the world of readers  .At the same time, publishers encourage criticism of published works which is the reason for reviews. I know of individuals who do a number of posts on social media and get like 500-plus likes! My friend go back, get that ass on that bench…oil your elbows and think if the likes are genuine or just to make you happy. 

Ganging up and hating newspapers and /or book publishers won’t HELP your writing. Ask yourself if your cause will add value to you and the world of writing. If it does then you’re on the path to growth. 


The only way you can improve your writing is by writing,embracing critisim and putting to use the ideas you get.It will take time but when reading world notice,embraces and recognises your writing,it will be WORTH the hustle.

Some MEN Friend$ IN OUR LIVES ARE SENT BY LUCIFER!! 🎃🎃

I always say these friends who claim they crush on you,will make us do things we have never imagined we  would do.Like i always tell you My friendships have been like a roller coaster!what is really a roller coaster ? You know some of these things we just pick from movies and start using as if we are entitled. 

Reminds me of the time my crush  dropped me at the airport where he was also going to Abu  Dhabi the capital of Dubai for a company assignment In the car was my twinnie. On boarding my flight,he later texted me a few hours later asking how I was fairing, I texted back, “EVERYTHING HERE IS WICKED “.A common slang’ we use back in the Uk amongst my siblings and teenage cousins to mean everything is awesome. 


The next thing i remember was receiving a call from an unknown number asking if i was safe on board. I kept answering the calls and saying.”Sorry wrong number”but the caller  kept asking me to stay on the line,stop panicking, breath in and out in order for me to be safe.I was about to hang up when he reffered to me using my name and asked where exactly i was sitted.Blankly i said ,”Niko kwa bedroom ya upstairs” ,thinking it was a mutual friend who had arrived at my place uninvited and was looking for me to catch up.I have no idea how they notice am around yet my place is a Karura of its own .The caller asked me  to rush out screaming JESUS !JESUS! In order to alert the rest .

You should have seen me bursting into laughter on board …hahaha!huhuuu …and having an infectious laughter everyone in the plane joined in the laughter looking at me ,probably thinking i was watching an online comic show .All because i used the word “wicked” in an innocent text to my crush who misunderstood it for God knows what!And  even called the help line number of the crew claiming that something bad had happened to me in the plane .

In short ,all i am trying is to warn you that the word ‘roller coaster’used above  has nothing to do with  that scary  thing we see in parks  in movies;are we together?

Now let’s go back  to our original story.I was telling you about these male friends who claim to have  crush on us will one day make us do things we’ve never imagined ourselves doing just to please them.You see when this newbie neighbour who happens to be my crush.A black American and drives a pearl  white porsche with UN number plate made me start watering flowers every morning just  because he said he fell in love with the plants on my backyard .This happened the other day when he came to inquire about the grocery store that was around which i saw as an opportunity to make him comfortable in Kenya .We got used to each other and at times we would watch movies and prepare snacks together on weekends which  never disappointed .

One fine Friday ,this man took me out for dinner at a high end restaurant in town which had unique names in the menu such that if you were as green as i was to this American dishes,you could end up ordering marabou stork feathers thinking you had asked for fried tilapia fillet,being Luo.I ordered something familiar hoping it was fries;actually i did not even try to pronounce it,all i did was point at it ,on the menu smiling sheepishly saying”Nataka hii na double expresso” .Thinking double expresso meant something so yummy but in a two way portion thus the word ‘double’.

Expresso to me sounded like one of the sweetest cocktails on planet earth,with some lemon garnish on the side.Shock on me when my order arrived 10 minutes later!I cursed whichever evil spirit had led me to order Habanero’ Hell fire .I took the drink and felt like my body had indeed been immersed in hell fire as the name suggested!My crush looked at me,i looked back at him forcing a smile still with the drink on my hand and we even had a toss.


Tears welling up my eyes,probably he thought i got so emotional over his’special treatment’which to me was ironical.The only drinkable thing on our table was the double expresso i had ordered for which  i quickly grabbed and sipped to drain the Habanero down my throat.My people,whoever said lightening doesn’t strike twice at the same place has never experienced Habanero hellfire in their mouth followed by double expresso!​

I looked up and asked God where exactly i had gone wrong in accepting to go for dinner with the man.Why on earth was i experiencing serious cold war in my mouth?I wanted to grab him by them*balls and slap his damn cute face at the same time walk out of him.But composed,i swallowed everything brought on the table since he had paid for the meals,i didn’t want to awake the ‘monster’in me to make the evening perfect.

Allah,please deliver me from such men.AMIN!!

GyM💪💪,RuGby🏈🏈..Are my cup of coffee. 

Hands akimbo,legs Across! As the gym instructer goes round and round making sure everyone is doing the correct thing one person looks calm and seems to be enjoying every bit of the fitness session ,i am also in my yoga pants this particular guys physique moves me. 

“It is keeping fit not straining “,Nnito says as the rest of the group contiues working out.  

Nnito 22,is a fitness enthusiast. Today he is training young boys of Agha Khan academy on how to keep fit. The eager group is composed of teenagers and also older chaps. Nnito is there to teach them about rugby,its rules,how to play safe in the fields,and also how best to tackle an opponent which comes with incentive for the ability of each player to shine. 

Nnito never imagined that at some point he would reff for a serious club in the country, growing up in Nakuru county,Nnito aspired to become an economist.What propelled his determination was his class five report card which stated that he was a “Bright student “.

Those two words lit a fire on his belly; He was not going to settle less. From class five all the way to Maseno school,Nyanza region, he was always amongst the top in his class .

After high school,he worked at his greenhouse as a strawberry farmer which was quite tedious though rewarding.He later worked at a local fitness center,specifically as a junior trainee. After a few months later,he had mastered the art of weightlifting quite well which made the gym instructor appoint him as an assistant instructor. 

Being a fitness center of its own class made him interact with the likes of Andrew Amonde; the rugby sevens coach, Collins Injera who is also one of the best players in the Kenya sevens Team which was fun and also exposed him to the rugby world ‘which later he made friends with them,an added advantage. 


Come January,he got the chance to study at Kenyatta university school of Thearter Arts.”My marks allowed me to study econonomics,but passion for art made me choose filming.He joined the institute which exposed him to greater opportunities and was just but a step in his hobby”,he says. 

On a Saturday afternoon in mid-2015,reality quickly sunk in. He got to apply as a model at Filamu Agency.Nnito and two of his friends would later stand out and work for the agency being paid quite well and his status back at K.U changed.

“I was once a brand ambassador of the Deacons clothing company,ViVo sports wear which was the best thing that ever happened unexpected “.He says.He also at some point appeared on Tv advert and on a billboard at the central business district that  left ladies tongue waging.

Doing all sorts of activities definetly requires discipline of the highest degree with support from family and close friends is what has kept him going.A few months later after long holidays the same year,while at a friends party he received a call from ‘MR.PRICE‘ Kenya,which was opening a new sports wear line at the West side mall.Nnito equipped,”Look at my physique,i do understand fitness.He got hired.


Three months later,around early May Nnito yearning for more,he started sending out applications to more modelling agencies .He was lucky enough to get a job as a commercial model with’Marini agency where he worked till schools opened in September.

Going back to school,everyone wanted a piece of this young charming man,though with discipline he managed to get over his newly acquired ‘celebrity status’though as a fitness instructor.

This is how Nnito got into fitness Business.”Before i knew and do what i do today,my ass muscles would ache and at times would be forced to stand while others sat” ,he chuckles.


In October ,two months before getting to third year.Nnito was invited to a training session to learn more about fitness.”That first session changed my life,I finally understood physical fitness and started to pester the senior gym instructors to give me more information about fitness.

He has since gone for various training camps in Rwanda and Zambia.He not only wants to change the scope of fitness in Kenya but also Africa at large.

WHAT IF THE INTERNET WAS SHUT FOR GOOD? 

Every invention in history is geared towards  making life more convenient.it’s all about getting the same old task done in the best and quickest time possible .When it comes to the fast pace of modern  living demands all manner of mod cons-foodblenders, juicers,microwaves,ovens,vacuum cleaners ,fridges and increasingly power generators.

The last one is  important because all this gadgets rely on electricity and more and more city homes are getting them as a way to  beat frequent blackouts that can really mess you up-for instance ;when you are in the middle of taking that hot shower or worse ,charging    your  laptop so you can hand in that project…..

What is interesting is how dependant we have become on this gadgets .Indeed,the Younger generation can’t imagine what life could have been like without smart phones and the appendage known as head phones.But i guess it is the same as when my generation growing up, we could not imagine life without great-wall TV! Which reminds me; I was at our home a whisurbu and went into one of the rooms in search of a toy. My friend accompanied me and came across an old Tv set. What’s that?”she asked.Oh,that’s a Tv”,I answered absentmindedly.”Why does it have a face???”It was quite mind-opening for her to learn that back in the days ,TVs’ had faces(the really fancy ones even had doors’),no colour besides black and white ,no remote control ,and only one channel played within certain hours.

I think she now believes i had a deprived childhood. Over the years, it is these same old gadgets  that are internet or rather Wi-Fi enabled that have become sleeker and faster, and caused us to rely on them for almost everything  we do. And dare i add that they have ruined our relationships with our loved ones and have even turned us into mindless automatons as well.

Let me tell you about my experience at home,i happen to live in a surbub where every home has fiber optic cables connection which is like a tradition here.Having lived here for years now we have become used to (spoiled by) this Wi-Fi delightful amenity and actually stopped subscribing to safaricom data bundles a while back.Untill the fiber optic cables were ruined a few weeks ago.At night….

A few hours later it became clear  that the Wi-Fi networks were down and so SOS phone calls were made to those of us who were on the way home to purchase BAMBA 500(airtime).I couldn’t download my favourite videos,games,apps and also stream live on YouTube.I decided to subscribe to the 30day 1GB at only 500bob which i thought would do the trick,there after i streamlived on YouTube to watch THE TREND show live on NTV which i missed and before it went off for a short commercial break the safaricom jamaas’ had ‘eaten’ up to half of my airtime.


I mean ,the whole house came to a stand still as we had been used to freely doing everything on the internet and the Wi-Fi network being unavailable i realized a big change in almost everyones routine,it wasn’t long before i took the skipping rope and began exercising,my sister went out with her bike while my nephew watched Afro-cinema which was totally unusual.

The Wi-Fi connection was put in place and everything went back to ‘normal’but the incident got me thinking about whether modern technology is really helping us or actually taking over our lives.I mean my 85-year-old granny does not bother about Wi-Fi ,most probably he only hears us being obsessed with it when we are around but his life goes on peacefully because he has no worries on connectivity.

Yet when our Wi-Fi connection is down ,i have been known to send frantic messages to ask my close cousin who is also within our hood If theirs has been paid for.Seems like i Can’t live without the internet.

The other day i discovered a YouTube channel named ASAP science ,which revealed the effects of over-dependence on the internet .I think we need to go back to the basics-if only to save our lives from anguish the next time Wi-Fi connection decides to take a break.


When obsessive thoughts take OVER. 

(Compulsive obsessive disorder ) Doublechecking something twice or once in a while is considered as a routine but not at all. You could be trapped in this particular kind of disorder that may be affecting a good number of people in Kenya as well as the world to a larger extend .Mental health experts warn that if repetitive and interferes with your daily routine you could be suffering in silence. 



Well this Is my story…. Growing up in a knit family of four siblings, my dad was really strict on our daily routine .He was known for being a neat gentleman who always had his hair trimmed every weekend and I never saw any single beard and as a kid, well I thought daddy was from a different planet since all men I saw had beards and were way too hairy. 

My school uniforms were always neatly ironed,my white school socks spotless and my satchel washed weekly. Everyone in my school always admired how I carried myself since I was ever neat, whether it rained or when it was dry and dusty. I also ensured my locker was secure by locking it with a small padlock and all my books neatly arranged.One would look at it and think of it as a small portable library but not at all, it was just but an ordinary wooden desk. This continued for a while and when schools closed for the December holidays I was awarded as the most neat throughout the year and at the same time one with the best handwriting, you might think my fingers are gold coated but not at all; they are the normal black hands of a chocolate African lady. Going home my siblings as well as my parents were happy not knowing I had this silent disorder. 



It makes one have super attention to orderliness whether big or small circumstances for example in contamination; one will have inherent fear of infection therefore one will 1:Wash hands thoroughly with a disinfectant, 2:Wear masks and gloves while working in a dusty environment ,3:Walk carefully not to step on dirt and even wear closed shoes for feet protection. 

IN SYMMETRY AND ORDER:one will have a particular object face a certain direction in order to achieve balance which in my case the shoe rack is positioned directly opposite my wardrobe, everything I place at a particular point is expected to be intact .Pictures posted on walls must appear in a certain order for my soul to be at peace. 

HOARDING :There will be a tendency of collecting or holding onto items for so long which with me, I may decide to keep an old newspaper with a nice story or article rather and read it over and over again, at times I find myself unable to toss out some items one may see as useless. 

Magical thinking and intrusive thoughts ,thinking that something bad would happen or was likely to happen ,a certain day ,number or colour is associated with bad luck. Finally when it comes to dating and relationships which is a bit sensitive with many ,individuals with the above disorder have obsessive doubts over suitability in a relationship ,one’s cv ,partner or ones sexuality and depth of feelings when hurt. They just might take decades before moving into a new relationship. They are the so called”ALPHA FEMALES ” which to me It’s  next to being compared to a”FEMALE KING”.





My BATTLE with FIBROADENOMA. 

I developed the practice  of examining  my breasts  early. At the age of  eighteen, I went to the hospital and they confirmed that I had two lumps on my right breast, this got me worried and I decided to involve my mummy and elder sister who acted quickly  and booked an appointment  for biopsy as I went back  to study. 

The results of the biopsy confirmed that I had the lumps and this got me really worried, I wept at the Agha Khan hospital gardens for two hours, concerned on the stories I had been told on cancer .I had plans to continue with my bachelors degree at an international university but now I had fibroadenoma. 


I had gone for the biopsy and at some point called my aunt whom I was so close with. She cancelled me to seek a second opinion, my uncle who was also a doctor and had a private office in Busia so I went in to also see him.He encouraged me together with another team of nurses and a surgeon they deliberated on my case and agreed that the wisest course of action for me would be  surgery. 


Photo coutersy:zjowen_photography.


I picked up my prescription a few days later and went back to the same hospital for the procedure. When I got there I found that the medication would be costly though my family at this point was very much supportive so everything was to move on smoothly. I left with my uncle and returned home at my aunts house the next morning for the surgical procedure come the following day, I woke up a bit hungry but I couldn’t even touch a cupcake which was my favourite snack since I was to adhere strictly  by the medical rules thus hunger pangs, tummy ache and depression has become part of me. 

On my day of surgery ,I got devastated deep inside my soul and looking at the mirror of my past I could notice that I had changed a lot though I never wanted to show it since I had to be strong for myself, my aunt being my pillar at the moment made me even stronger as my mum was quite far and committed to other duties.While sitting at the waiting lounge at the theater section i saw one young man in a surgical mask and my heart thumped faster.He was putting on gloves and had this sparkling white lab coat and snow white gumboots. He called my aunt aside, they conversed for a few minutes then saw my aunt smile coming towards my direction.This wasn’t good NEWS actually and as I crossed my fingers tightly she led me to a changing room that had royal blue curtains and nature paintings on the aqua walls probably  the designer knew why he had this particular  décor, maybe to calm one poor soul .I removed everything and I remained in my birthday suit and was given a long jungle green gown, I felt awful and this time round tears rolled down my cheeks. 

“All is going to be well Lynn”,she said as i handed her my clothes and finally the doors behind were shut. I stealthily walked towards the theatre section since the floor was cold though the area was spotless. I once again met this young man in the room and looking beside were three others and a nurse who stared at me with plastic smiles covering their faces, I also smiled back this time sheepishly not to show what I was going through. 

The room had bright light’s all over along white surgical table and an adjustable bed beside which I only saw in movies.The bed was adjusted to my level and I was told to lay on my back. I had never experienced this before and as this was going on I could see them prepare for my operation. One of the doctors approached and asked “Do you want to be operated as you see or rather administerd with anaesthesia? “.I chose the second  option as I couldn’t stand the sight of blood and my body open. 

I saw the nurse inject my arm and I after some seconds I blacked out completely. The operation took approximately 3hours and the next day I found myself in a private ward. I was alone in bed but opening my eyes I could be able to recognise my aunt. My whole body was numb and a bit painful,i saw everything in 3D I couldn’t even hear properly and on checking my breast it was bandaged heavily.This scared me even more and my aunt assured me of good health care, she told me of how lucky I was as the lumps removed were not cancerous. 

I felt like I could jump with joy, but  I couldn’t since I was to have a three week bed rest just to make sure the wound heals properly and my natural skin around the open area bestows. My biggest fear had finally been conquered since I had been told that I wouldn’t be required to have any chemotherapy treatment which to me was a nightmare. 

The day I got discharged from the hospital I was excited,though I had to change my routine a bit for my bodies connvinience. I would take my clothes off by my aunt’s assistance, I also would just lay on the couch for hours but when I got bored I would watch cartoons with my young nephew who was like a bro to me, he always made me happy since he acted like a grown young man, he would daily check on me after school which made me even happier and got me thinking of how my family cares. 

This  experience taught me a lot, I mean it doesn’t  matter how young or old one is to make you happy. Family too is one of the best and greatest investment one can ever have since it doesn’t have to be blood. The surgical team to me had become  family for ensuring all was well, my close relations with my friends too played a great role during my time of healing process and above all God in heaven.